I’m trying my best to get on the right page. I don’t want debt anymore. I don’t want jobs that change my schedule the day of. I don’t want to move my life around just because I don’t have any other options. And I don’t want to stay put for the same reason. And even though I’m doing my best to prevent all these things, I can’t. I’m just riding it out, because sometimes that’s all you can do.
Where am I at right now? In life, I mean. Physically: I’m sitting on a free couch in my living room in my pj’s. It’s 4 o’clock in the afternoon on my only day off, and moving from the bed to the couch is pretty much my crowning achievement of the day. That, or finally switching my Spotify premium account to “Student,” which will save me $6 a month. Mentally: I’m bored.
But I’m patient. I know things will get easier the longer I keep at it: work, work, clean, cook, work, sleep, work. Right now, though, I’m working 2 and a half jobs and just trying to get my head above water. No, not keep it above water, get it above water. Right now, I am actively drowning. And if I can just catch a breath, I can maybe start to swim to shore. But right now, I have no idea which direction that is and I am only focused on surviving. So I’m going to keep at it, because what choice do I have? Maybe it’s not patience so much as it is perseverance. I just have to point out that emergencies stop feeling so urgent when they become the norm. I’m getting bored of drowning, even. I’m feeling like I’ve done all I can, and now I just have to wait for the tide to turn.